Hi everyone!! It's been a crazy 384 days since I last posted here on my blog. A lot of changes have been happening in my life, and I've been documenting them in my Hobonichi Techo planner and Bluesky account.
However, I found myself looking at my Neocities account recently and felt the urge to write another blog post. It's very purgative to be able to write down my feelings in a digital setting, and I genuinely do miss the feeling of sitting down and reading someones blog posts, even if they're mine from a year ago. It feels nice to see what I was doing a year ago, as if I was a complete stranger.
So, what's new? Let me think...
Work Stuff (ㆆ_ㆆ)
The most dramatic change recently is that I've finally decided to quit my job of 10 years. I was a waitress and food runner, and since I'm almost 30, I've basically been there for a quarter of my life now. It makes me squeamish to think about.
The final straw was when I asked to pet a customer's dog, and it bit me. A lot. And hard. Luckily, it was a smaller dog (a toy poodle.), but that didn't change the fact that it hurt like an absolute bitch. It bit both of my hands, breaking the skin, and bit me in the kind of motion a dog would bite a chew toy; shaking it's head from side to side with it's whole body weight.
The worst and most egregious part of it all, the cataclysmic event that ruined my whole day, was when I pulled my hands away. It then decided to lunge at my nipple. Yes, dear readers, the dog fully bit my right nipple and pulled my tank top down. It gets even worse, because I wasn't wearing a bra that day.
I retreated from the table in shame, and went to my manager with red hands and tried to tell her what happened. I had to wait for her to stop talking to another coworker of mine before she gave me the time of day. I understand, because you know, she didn't really understand what had happened to me yet, but still. The owner ended up having to put the dog in a crate after that, because there were children around that could have suffered the same treatment, maybe even worse.
I do think I might have aggrivated the dog somehow, but it was out of pure ignorance on my part. The dog was young, and it was eating bacon. I reached towards the bacon, because hey, I wanted to feed it some and... I don't know, play with it. I'm not really a dog person, so I didn't know how serious they were about food. Usually dogs that customers allow me to pet are well trained enough to not be so insane about their food, and if they aren't, they properly warn me and I don't interact with the dog at all. Apparently, it was extremely food territorial and snapped completely, which the owner didn't bother telling me.
The owner didn't apologize, and I went home to see that there were two open wounds on my breast, and the skin around it was turning yellow with bruising. I was so upset that I drank half a pack of lemon flavored Strong Zeroes and got so drunk that I puked myself to sleep. The day after, I quit.
It was a busy day, and I decided I just couldn't do it anymore. My hands hurt. My tit hurt. I shouldn't have to deal with that, among the other stuff that went on there. So I put my two weeks in.
I think the managers are miffed at me, but I really don't care. Or, at least, I'm trying to not care. It's hard to not care when these are people I consider my friends. But, at least I won't have to drive 45 minutes to work every day.
I applied to a bunch of jobs today, so I'm nervous. Thinking about being in a completely new work environment makes me feel sick to my stomach. But it has to happen.
I get twenty minute breaks (if I even get one at all) on a 12 hour shift, I drive 45 minutes to even get there, and while I used to be a server, ever since my other senior coworker quit I've been demoted to food runner to fill the space she left. Again.
And while everyone is nice to me and I have a lot of friends there, I think it's just my time. I need change. I'm trying to not look back on my time there through rose-tinted glasses.
Art Thoughts ദ്ദി(ᵔᗜᵔ)
Anyways, enough of the bad stuff. I think it's about time to get into some more hopeful cerebrations.
I've been really starting to like my art again. I've been going through a phase of not liking where I've been going with it, but I'm finally breaking out of that train of thought. I've been really inspired by older anime art styles. Specifically from an old fujobait anime called Princess Princess. It's an anime about three guys who crossdress as girls in an all-boy's academy. Typical stuff.
It's a really basic manga-to-anime adaptation, but I really liked the style of it and the expressions they gave the characters. Studio DEEN's early anime adaptations have a particular style that I was inspired by.
I particularly really like the character Mikoto. He's the tsundere type, and they draw him super cute, especially when he's in drag.
But, yeah. I've been trying to absorb this style and spit it back out in my own way. It's been working pretty well so far.
I think what held me back the most was the fact that I didn't want my style to be "too anime". A bunch of stupid bullcrap that sounds like something your middle school art teacher would say to you, except it was my brain talking instead.
For now, I'm gonna focus on what I want my art to look like, and what makes me happy, instead of worrying about how it might not be "unique" or "different" enough for my own standards, which are impossible to satiate.
Being Sick For Three Months (╥ᆺ╥；)
So basically, since the beginning of the month, I've been getting hit back to back with different sicknesses. I felt like Glass Joe from Punch-Out, getting the shit beat out of me by the Little Mac that symbolizes the many viruses that lived in my body rent-free.
January was when I first contacted Influenza Type-A. I think the thing that felt worse than the actual disease was the instance where I went to CVS to get treatment. The first thing the doctor asked me when I went in was "Will price be an issue for you?" Bad, bad sign.
Turns out that three days prior to my visit, CVS had raised it's prices for people without insurance. A flu scan for me at CVS would have been
EIGHT HUNDRED DOLLARS.
Yes. I'm not exaggerating or embellishing this story that maybe one person will read. They were seriously, honest to god trying to charge me $800 for a Flu Scan. Even the doctor told me that it was ridiculous.
So, out of the kindness of his own heart, he cancelled my visit for me and told me to run while I could. He reccommended the new combination Flu/Covid tests they rolled out recently and I did exactly that. I took it in my car and learned that I had Influenza Type A.
This lasted for a long, horrible time. Without treatment I was miserable, and the flu lasted much longer because of the lack of medication.
And then, because I didn't get proper treatment, I contracted Acute Bronchitis. I didn't bother going to a doctor for the most of it, and it was even more miserable. I just wanted relief, to feel better. I was hacking up colors I didn't even know were possible, and then I was hacking up blood. So I got desperate, and went to a doctor's office that specialized in patients that were low-income and without insurance.
They quickly prescribed me with antibiotics and some kind of doped-up cough syrup. I was finally, finally getting relief from being sick. Apparently I had gotten an ear infection during all of this, and I still have it as I'm writing this post, though it's slowly going away. The fluid just has to slowly drain from behind my ear drum. And then I'll be able to hear out of my left ear again. Yayyyy.
I'm just happy that it'll finally be over soon. (#｀-_ゝ-)
Parting Thoughts .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚
Exciting changes are coming my way, but they aren't coming without a price. I'm constantly worried about the future right now, and my financial situation isn't as good as it used to be. But it's a price I'm willing to pay for change. I hope that when I do find a new job, that I'll find happiness there. I'm looking for something; I just don't know what it is yet. But I'll find it.
I love my life. I love my friends. And no matter how hard things get, I need to live. Nothing will stop me from finding my own happiness.
I hope whoever reads this will be able to find what they're looking for as well. You will.
Anyways, I had a lot of fun writing again. Maybe I'll write again soon. Who knows!
